Adulting...

When I entered middle school I was a part of a girls bible study, created so that girls from different elementary schools could make Christ-centered friendships before school started in the fall. I vividly remember one of our first meetings, when we were asked to list some fun facts about ourselves. All business and big ideas, an 11-year old Emma said that: she would have her own business and a published novel by the time she turned 13.

A few weeks ago, I got to visit with a very similar girls bible study, a generation later, look at all those expectant and hopeful faces, and tell them that I, the champion of big dreams and out of the box thinking, had accomplished approximately... zero things on that list. Not one. There was no published novel (though the hope still exists) and there was no business to boast about (though attempts had been made). And you know what, I'm not mad about it.

See, it has come to my attention in the last year or so, that often we place goals before ourselves, and berate ourselves when we don't accomplish them. We view ourselves as failures, incapable of ever achieving our purpose, because we let our passion for something die down in exchange for something else. We trade our plans and what we think our purpose is, for something different that God calls us to, and think that those differences are wrong, when in reality it is those differences that make us who we are. It is the "failures" that become stories and attempts and challenges and trials that grow us.

I am not a failure for not having accomplished the exact plan that I was passionate about at 11, because those weren't the Lord's plans for me. They were passions, that are leading me to a greater purpose, that I am now getting to see come to fruition.

Despite this lie that we have all been sold that "adulting" looks a lot like having it together, I can go ahead and tell you that it is quite the opposite. To adult, is to look at the world through the matured eyes and mindset that we didn't have as children, and to try anyways. To seek the child like faith talked about in Matthew 18:3. It's scary and a whole lot more nerve-wracking than it was as children, but in that way, it is more rewarding.

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about spiritual gifts, saying that "a spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other" (v.7) and because these gifts are given to us by the Spirit when we become believers, God has the ability to change them. As we grow from "spiritual babies" to "spiritual adults", our strengths and aspirations change. Seem familiar?

When I was in middle school, my main spiritual gifts were administration, leadership, and being pastoral. I wanted to own my own business (doing what I'm still not sure) and be a famous author. But as I grew older, I began to change. I grew more bold in my faith and leadership, becoming a more extroverted person than I had once been. I learned my love and skill for communicating, and walked through doors that the Lord had opened for me to do ministry. My spiritual gifts now are leadership, evangelism, and administration, and now that I have graduated from high school I have begun work as the Administrative Assistant for Greater Hall FCA while I attend college at UNG.

These are pretty drastic changes and differences in my spiritual life and plan, but they are not "failures", they are the growth and of discovery of what I am truly passionate about, and being prepared to do.

"Adulting" is not the absence of a child-like faith, but the pursuit of it. The constant driving to do things despite our fear, and to accept that sometimes there is no plan. Or maybe there's a plan for the plan, that falls through, making it so that you have to have a Plan B, or C, or E... Adulting is evolving with the Lord's plan because it is greater and higher, and appreciating that because as we as people change, our passions will as well.

Graduating high school, turning 18, or going to prom did not give me the answers to life any more so than graduating from college will, but it did give me some clues to my purpose. It did make me who I am by challenging me to grow. It shaped my passions and my purpose, and taught me who I do and don't want to be. And something tells me that this is how the rest of life will be: a constant growing and changing that never stops until God says it does.

That's why I will never be able to write one specific post that tells you your purpose, or your passions, or how exactly to find those - because it's a journey between you and the Lord. It is a culmination of the successes and failures and gifts that the Lord blesses you with. It is not an exact science, but a spiritual security because the things that I can tell you is: that God is good, and loving, and forgiving when we fall short, and He has a specific purpose for you that may look completely different than what the 11-year old version of yourself thought it would be, and that that is okay. Because despite all the changes, you're never going to get "adulting" perfect. And definitely not on your own.

So trust God, turn the plans for your future over to Him, hands outstretched in surrender, and remind the child inside of you that it's okay to do Plan B. The "B" stands for better...

Here's to planning, and then throwing those plans out the window.

-Emma

"Be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire."