Desperate Pursuit

I once heard the statement "the most arrogant people you will ever meet, are those that do ministry", and quite frankly I think that's true. When you are actively serving, in any role that has to do with the Lord, I think our flesh responds in one of two ways:

1) This qualifies as my time with the Lord for the day, because I am serving in an area He called me to.

2) I am so good at this that I don't need the Lord to help me today. I am gifted in this area and that is sufficient.

But believe me when I say that we can be profoundly gifted and utterly misguided at the same time.

We can be pouring out without ever realising we aren't being purposeful in being filled back up. And we can go about doing things for the Lord, without ever consulting Him first or being wholly dependent on Him.

Lately, the Lord has been kind to show me areas in which I struggle in my personal walk - areas that I, as a person, have room for growth, and let me tell you: it's a humbling place to be. To sit with the Lord with both happy and angry tears in your eyes, because sanctification hurts, but boy, is it worth it.

Because despite the momentary discomfort of growth, I can't help but think: how kind of the Lord to love us enough to want us to be perpetually growing more and more like Him.

One of those areas of growth for me is prayer.

I am exceptionally good at asking God for the big things: career decisions, direction in relationships, next steps with school, etc.

I also know how to cry out to the Lord in desperation; when I am so low that I know it is only Christ and His love that can meet me where I'm at. When I am broken, I know without a shadow of a doubt that He is the balm for my soul.

But how different might life look if, rather than crying out to Him in moments of desperation, I sought after Him desperately? If every day, I went before Him and laid out my plans, my hopes for the day, and the things I know I simply can't control, and asked Him to go before me? To take my life and make it His; not because I have no other choice - but because there is nothing else I would rather choose.

I struggle with control: be it people or circumstances, and there is very little that I would not like to have go "my way" - the way I planned it, the way I want people to react, the way I want things to grow, and this is where the crux of prayer and I conflict: to pray, is to turn over our plans to the Lord, and acknowledge "I have no control over these things, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to because I want your will more". It is the antithesis of all of my plans, stripping them bear, requiring me to approach the Lord in a state of vulnerability in all things.

And that, right there, is the most terrifying, and liberating, thing that I can think of.

All of this I say, to point out that: there is more than likely an area in your life in which you let the "serving" distract from the "sanctifying", and you let your desires dictate the Lord's direction.

In my life, this looks like getting on my knees every day and laying all of the blessings, big and small, that have happened lately before the Lord, rather than waiting till I need something or am frustrated with the futility of my humanity to turn it over to Him.

Do not let your blessing become burdens because you think you are good enough "as is".

Do not let your cries become so fuelled by desperation, that you fail to desperately pursue the one who gifted you with the things you are now blessed with in the first place.

Do not forget that even in our seasons of blessing, when the goodness of the Lord is abundantly overflowing, that there is still room for us to grow.

It has been a long time since I've simply prayed for myself. For the little things, for my friends and family, for my job. It's a new thing that I am re-learning: to broaden the scope of my prayers; because I want the prayers I present to the Lord to be inline with the performance that I have to offer Him.

Not a production, put on by my own making, but rather a presentation of the ways in which I can use the heart He has given me to serve Him.

I want the same for you.

Go forth desperately...

- Emma

"Be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire."