Trust the Process

Have you ever thought about the idea that we always see what we don't have? Like if you're wanting a new car, you suddenly see cars everywhere, because that's what's on the forefront of your brain? Or you go on a diet, and suddenly you are noticing just how delicious fresh baked cookies smell?

Well, lately, I feel like every time I get on social media, someone new is getting engaged or married. For example, today is National Girlfriend Day, and I bet you can guess what is on the forefront of my brain: a relationship. And I'm not the only 18 year old in this position, heck, I'm not even the only person in this position. In fact, singleness and the struggle that exists within it seem to be something that every person struggles with at some point in their life, because we naturally crave connection by design (Genesis 2:18).

But why stop at connection? We want understanding in the people we love, we want passion, and chemistry, and stability, etc, etc, etc.... sound familiar? We set these standards that seem so high, that when somebody doesn't live up to them, instead of accepting that maybe that person just isn't it, we begin to wonder if there's something wrong with us. And the longer we stay single, the more this idea forces its way into your brain. We grab on to this idea that our standards and expectations are too high, that our timeline is too long, that we should lighten up and let it go, and we settle for good, when in reality we could have great.

I think this is something that Christians especially struggle with, because we think that God should just magically give us all of our desires when we want them, and we always want them now.

Here's the thing about our preferences though: God will give them to us, only once we have trusted His process (Psalm 37:7). See, the thing is, as many times as I have seen things about relationships in the last few weeks, I have seen just as many things about "patience" and "trusting the process". Isn't God great like that? That even in our weakness, He shows us ways to be strong. So many stories and sermons about the fact that if God truly has something for you, then He isn't making you wait for nothing - there is, and always will be, a reason in His actions. Christ is a god of intentional actions with purposeful love. I've talked about this before: there is a beauty in the waiting that we often overlook, and through the waiting God is always working, but not just that, He wants us to do the same.

I am no relationship expert, not even close, but I can say that I know my view on relationships and praying for a husband drastically changed the minute I realised these two things:

1) The actions that I take now, the things I experience, are shaping me into the person that I will be whenever I do find my person.

2) And God has a designated timeline for my life, that no amount of celebrating or complaining can change, because His plans are better than my own.

I realised that I can't guilt God into giving me a relationship, anymore than I can control the rain, because when it is His appointed time, we will fall. No sooner, or later, because we aren't big enough to wreck His plans for our life (1 Corinthians 1:25).

So you know what that means? Just as we are given the opportunity to choose to follow God, we are given the chance to choose what kind of person we want to spend our time being.

Whenever I meet my person, I don't want them to tell me that they spent "x" amount of years upset and pinning for me. I want him to tell me about how he lived. About how he saw the world and tried new things. I want to hear about his adventures, and his triumphs, and his failures, and all the little mistakes along the way, and I don't want him to regret one ounce of it, because it will make him the man that I love. But if that's the case, shouldn't I want the same thing for myself? Shouldn't I want to live life to the fullest, pursuing who God knows I can be, rather than dragging my feet through the waiting, hoping somebody sees me sitting in the corner? I want to live life in such a way that I am metaphorically dancing under a disco ball, not sitting on the wall. And I genuinely hope for the same thing for all of you who read this.

See, I think, the first step to finding your person, is finding yourself. No one other than Jesus Christ is going to bring you true joy, because joy is "gladness that is not defined by circumstances". Happiness is always going to come and go, but that joy can exist only between you and the Lord, that's something different. That's something worth pursuing.

Relationships are something I'm passionate about, but I am more passionate about my relationship with the Lord, about finding my identity in Him. Because trust me, I am someone who tried to find my identity in everything but God for a long time, and there is nothing quite like finally coming home to the one who created you to be a wonderful reflection of His love. When you find yourself in Him, everything else suddenly becomes extra, and those things your heart aches for, don't seem quite so insurmountably large or unattainable.

Which is why, I want to close with this: your expectations are not too high. You don't need to settle. If the Lord has intended for you to have a relationship, then one day you are going to find that. But in the mean time, live. You are a person worth knowing and loving and living life to the fullest, and your God is big enough to simply trust with the details of it all. Because always, He will intentionally craft, and custom make, the perfect opportunity for you. Whether that's a job, or family, or relationship, He is working. Are you willing to wait?

Here's to holding out for great,

-Emma

"Be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire."