Chapter 2

I think there's a reason that every coming-of-age movie centers on a person in the age range of 16-24; and I can now say that being in the thick of this at 23, A LOT of life happens and rapidly changes over the course of those years. You learn to navigate independence for the first time, many people move out, relocate, and/or start jobs. Friends get engaged, and then married, and then move; family dynamics adjust and accommodate for new seasons of life.

Life can feel like this perpetual cycle of movement - this hamster wheel of blessings that leaves you bordering on exhaustion, with a million feelings, that you may or may not be giving yourself space and time to digest. It is a blessing to be tired because of an abundance of answered prayers in your life, but it can also make the world feel like a teetering surface that you're doing your absolute best to cling to, and maybe (perhaps often), don't feel like you're navigating well.

If I'm fully transparent, I often struggle with the belief that I'm not doing it well; and for anyone who knows me, quite literally 99% of what I strive for in life is doing "the right thing": being the best friend, being the best child, being the best girlfriend, the best sibling, the best small group leader - I've brushed on this in other blog posts, that I often mistakenly believed that my performance can earn me love, and correcting this belief is a daily tension with the Lord of accepting that I'm simply loved as is. But especially, in this shifting tide of dynamics changing, I find myself wishing and asking for someone to just tell me HOW TO DO THINGS RIGHT; I want a 10-step guide on how to navigate adulthood well, and much to my chagrin, quite literally everyone will tell you it's "a personal journey".

Whether it is dating, adulting, friendship, or family, I am positive I'm not the only person who wants to be told that if they do "x" thing, then it will be like nothing ever changed as you grew up, and you will get an A+ from life. But the hard, beautiful, terrifying truth here, is that things will change - and this does not make the change bad. It just means that beauty looks different the older you get. There aren't 10 steps on how to do it "right" because suddenly, life has become your own, and you get to intimately invite the Lord into every step of it, seek his will, and watch him work in the lives of your relationships.

Because all relationships do is change shape - they don't change substance unless you want them to.

This was a lie I had to unlearn: that change automatically equates to loss - that if something looked different than it once did, then it must mean something has gone wrong OR I am going to lose people who matter to me. But space, change, and new seasons of life do not mean love between two people suddenly goes away; it just reshapes to fit what your life has become. What it looks like to fill in the cracks and meet each other's needs matches the season of life you've entered, and the intentionality and effort needed to maintain those relationships adjusts with it (because no relationship can be sustained without effort).

Which leads us to this: if we know the Bible offers answers to all questions in life, then what does it say about navigating relationships in seasonal change? How do we reshape well?

While praying on this topic, these two scriptures came to mind:

^"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near." - Hebrews 10:24-25

^"A person’s body is one thing, but it has many parts. Though there are many parts to a body, all those parts make only one body. Christ is like that also. Some of us are Jews, and some are Greeks. Some of us are slaves, and some are free. But we were all baptized into one body through one Spirit. And we were all made to share in the one Spirit." - 1 Corinthians 12:12-14

These are scriptures generally used in relation to the church (talking about spiritual gifts and gathering together), but I'd like to offer a different lense - because, YES, these are applicable to the church and body BUT there is also an undertone and current of this: we are meant to do life together through a variety of seasons, meeting each other in the thick of it, pressing into life together so that we are stronger as one rather than alone in the teetering.

And in the context of Hebrews 10, there were large congregations meeting together in a Sunday-service-esc structure but there were also people meeting together in homes, simply breaking bread, and fellowshipping together to strengthen fellow believers. The same argument can be made for 1 Corinthians 12: YES, it addresses spiritual gifts, BUT in the matter of doing life together, having believers with different strengths - including the strength of a different season of life, experience, and wisdom, is where the richness of relationships lies.

The re-shaping doesn't drive us away from our relationships, but makes room to love one another in newer, richer, and deeper ways - drawing from each other's strengths, experiences, and differences to glorify the Lord.

A co-worker walking through grief can be met IN the hurting by a friend in a season of celebration. A parent launching a child does not lose something, but GAINS a friend and life partner. A child stepping into independence is able to gain wisdom from their parent, who has already walked through the seasons ahead. A friend moving becomes an opportunity to ENCOURAGE one another as the opportunity to be a witness expands into new places, and so on!

Over and over again, this taking on of a new context does not equate to something going away, but rather something new being born, allowing us to learn, love, and serve one another in newer and richer ways.

A part of having relationships, especially godly ones, is recognizing that those relationships will evolve and change with life - and this is not something that we have to fear, or avoid, but rather, is the opportunity to love one another in a whole new way.

Here's to the re-shaping...

-Emma

"I accept the great adventure of being me."